The thing about grief is
just when you think you have turned a corner
passed through some invisible threshold
it sweeps in
and steals you away
again
but you don't kick or scream
not this time
not anymore
because you know it so well
like the scar on your face
in all of its horror
and familiarity
Like a second labour
when that first contraction hits
and it doesn't hurt
not yet
but you know what to expect
you have been here before
and the worst part is so far from over
but I am tired now
of this hellish place
the living nightmare
of fucking familiarity
and I love you
still
like I loved you then
but in so many ways
I want this to be over
because I cannot stand
the part
where I lose you
again
and
again
and
again
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